I. So Chapel meeting doesn't actually mean, "meeting that occurs in the University Chapel," because the Washington Society is too smart for you... or because another group for the past several semesters has reserved the Chapel every Thursday night. But we assembled in lovely Clark 108 and spent 10-15 minutes exposing the president's (Ben's, not George W.'s) scandalous past through thefacebook.com before we actually came to order, and Gene recited the motto, "Quam Fluctus Diversi, Quam Mare Conjuncti."

II. Although Ben has specifically requested a funny roll call response from members, mostly it was just "here." Get on that--I'm looking at you! And provies-to-be, don't worry, you'll be part of roll call after Signing of the Roll. Gene also read his minutes here. You may have noticed that they were typed and funny--this is not typical secretary behavior (usually they're scrawled on the back of homework), so don't expect it next semester.

III. Ben gave a mercifully short Presidental Address, for the second time this semester. He talked about where we've come from, and why we weren't actually in the Chapel. Funny, but the President's chapel address I remember best (which is the one I'm going to talk about for the rest of this section), was the one I heard my provie semester (actually in the Chapel, actually), when Chris Zirpoli told interested folks that we were a society of storytellers. I thought it was an excellent message; at any rate it convinced me to join (a mixed blessing for the Society, I know).

IV. Announcements: Charlie and Katie got up and welcomed the Provies-to-be and outlined requirements (go to the Provie home page for the details). Patrick Lee says the Banquet is February 25 in the Special Collections Library, and you can throw the money ($50 for vegetarian/chicken, $55 for beef) at basically any elected officer, who will then embezzle it and run to Rio. Or you could give it to Lauren Maloche, the Banquet chair, and actually go to dinner. Anna Katz made an APDA (American Parliamentary Debate Association--you get to go to other schools and crash on debate kids' floors, but the parties make it totally worth it) announcement. Go to meetings, Monday nights.

V. Three Events of the Week--When I joined the society, the illustrious Meghan Sullivan held this esteemed and heredity position. She was funny, often grouping her events around a particular theme. When she became less active, she passed the position onto Keith White, who founded WashPUB rather than actually presenting the three events. From there it temporarily went to Jim Kim, but now it's safe in the hands of Mike Bartosch, who actually has gone back to the themed approach (alcohol stories last week, basketball stories this week). Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!

VI. Literary Presentations
A. Mary Butcher--A passive-agressive, social awkward, whiny, needy woman wonders why the world doesn't roll over and die for her.
B. Caitlin Stapleton--In another installment of her wacky and wonderful adventure stories, Ms. Stapleton told how the Wash saved the world from the Olsen twins, with the help of Mr. Rogers and Angelina Jolie.
C. Nicole Eickhoff--A story--perhaps original?
D. Andrew Morgan--"The Tell-Tale Heart," Edgar Allen Poe--a nervous, very nervous, young man tells how he killed the old man with the evil eye.
E. Trevor Dobson--Trevor closed out the program with a selection from the Cato letters. Carefully edited as to not make us die from 'excitement', Trevor read a old but still surprising relevent passage on the ills of party politics.

VII. Break. The sign up sheet for Provies-to-be was circulated since apparently no one in the Society knows how to write and pass.

VIII. Debate: Yogi Surendranath and Anna Katz take on Emmett Snyder and Doug O'Reagan in "You are the United States. An unstable regime in a volatile region is about to conduct their first atomic test and you have the ability to prevent the test through air strikes. Resolved: Don't stop the test." Yogi and Anna think nuclear proliferation is good and will help stabilize the world and bring it to peace. Doug and Emmett pointed out that it's easy to have peace if everyone's dead. The society voted 5-20-14 to stop the tests, but, on the merits of the debaters, voted 16-16-2. Ben (the chair) broke the tie in favor of side government.

IX. It's only midnight! Let's go to the College Inn.